Love and Relationships

Do you only feel negative during this lockdown? With pain and helplessness all around, With your self-identity forced to switch roles, With a jolted normal for unpredictably long, The thought pop ups cannot be exciting. Infact most of them are negative... Relax... that's human! And it's not only your story. This is the first time we fall on the same page.  But maybe... this lockdown... most of us went all too far. Let's Address the Problem Fear... Dilemmas... Uncertainties... Anxiety... You are thinking too much about the future.  Overflowing thoughts drive you everywhere you don't want to reach. Now that lays the foundation of a quandary. Because when this unconscious flow of thoughts continues, it leads to mental diarrhea, which soon attacks your emotions.  Ahh... now that hurts! With thoughts already conflicting, this lockdown came up with another challenge... Managing emotions... a bigger task than managing mind. Do you know what's the result of mismanaged thoughts and emotions? Your crude feelings turn negative!! Once your feelings turn negative, no matter how hard you try, you cannot feel happy.  And that's what is happening to most of us.... sitting at homes... having nothing to do.  Bodies are locked down, but minds still wandering. Painful state this... densely negative!  The good news: We can get out of here. Let's talk about the revival now! How to Revive From State Where Feelings Turned Negative? Arrange a session You with Yourself where you are disconnected from the outside world.  No people, no cell phones, no distraction whatsoever... Start with a minimum of 30 min session whenever you get Time. Time... not a difficult thing to find during this lockdown... isn’t it? I agree some of my friends would get offended about that. And that's because there are many samaritans who volunteered to step out of their houses to serve people and nation in anyways. And there are also individuals who could not afford Me time as they were, and still are busy with their household chores. But I must say, sacrifice that 30 min of sleep even if you have to, but during this lockdown, everyone needs that session, that session of self-introspection. So what do you do in that session? Do nothing different! Quitely get back to basics... Remind yourself that everything started with your mind... overflowing with negative thoughts... for an extended period. And that's what touched the depth of feelings. So to revive your positive feelings, you need to get back to your thoughts. Go for it! Just sit comfortably, preferably with closed eyes, and observe your thoughts coming and leaving. Don't pay attention to any. Allow them to pass by. Stop participating.... stop involving with any thought... even the ones you call positive.              We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. — Buddha Why do you stop paying attention to positive thoughts? You might be wondering: No attention to negative thoughts... sounds logical! But why should I stop paying attention to positive thoughts? Because that's a ploy. That's deliberate from the mind to convince you to interact with thoughts. So that you hook to it... and finally get carried away by the flow of it. It's a mind's...

Allow me to begin with a small composition of mine: Speak Speak speak... you speak SPEAK WITH AUTHORITY, SPEAK WITH CLARITY... make sure you get heard when you speak Irrespective of the language YOU SPEAK... as long as you have a voice, you speak don’t wary the criticisms and the questions ... as long as you are right, you speak Don’t worry about losing them, FOR THE SAKE OF FINDING YOURSELF, you speak. To spit out the negativity, for the sake of positivity... gather courage only once to speak on their face and never behind, as long as they are wrong, you speak FOR THE SAKE YOUR RESPECT AND ESTEEM... SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK... YOU SPEAK Hope you liked it! Let's jump right into the nitty-gritty of expressing: Expressing is an introduction of your true self to the outside world. Whatever you are inside, just exhibit it outside. What you are and whatever you feel, just express yourself. Never feel afraid of it. Always remember: “You were born to be real, not to be perfect.” - Claire Baker And this applies to everyone. When you have the freedom of expression, use it to your advantage. You are probably wondering: Why is expressing important? Expressing is your deliberate attempt to convert the negativity felt into positivity. In the world full of lies and betrayals, it is difficult to stop feeling negative. But you need to understand that feeling negative is not a problem.  The problem arises when you keep that negativity within you and do not express it out. But when you express out, you unburden yourself and flush out the negativity.  To maintain transparency between your physical and mental appearance. In case you don't know: There are two facets of your appearance- physical and mental. Expressing acts as a mirror between the two. It ensures that whatever you feel from inside, you present it outside. This way, you are true to yourself and to others. There is no retention of negative feelings inside you to attract other negative energies. You always ride high on yourself via expressing. When you express your true self to others, it means you value your ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. No wonder, expressing is one of the best ways to develop self-love. The quote above says it all... When you express, you expose yourself in front of others. You reveal your true identity to them. In the process, people might get hurt. Many people might not like you. They can call you rude, offensive and aggressive. They might misunderstand you. However, the ones who deserve to be in your life will understand you gradually. They will accept you the way you are. No wonder, these people will be less. But they will be the ones whom you will find by your side every time you need them. It's your identity, this is the way you always are, independent of the person, time and situation. Feel proud! Look: Being nude is always better than being naked. Sounds silly? It's not: Being nude is your choice. It is when you uncover yourself by yourself. It‘s your discretion to expose yourself to others. It is the transparency you...

Supremely, you need to understand that both the feelings ‘lonely’ and ‘solitude’ are two sides of the same coin. Solitude is a positive feeling which is entirely your choice. It is the feeling of completeness one derives by loving and enjoying one’s own company.  On the contrary, the feeling of loneliness has a negative connotation where you are full of insecurities and find yourself deserted even in the crowd. When you feel lonely, you neither enjoy others’ company nor cherish your own company. The feeling of solitude is an unmatched magical feeling while there is nothing worse than the feeling of loneliness. In both the feelings, you feel no one around you but interestingly, you love solitude but you hate loneliness. Fight with loneliness: Do not fear the loneliness. Accept it and face it. Unless you realize that you are lonely, you cannot find the reasons for the same. The feeling of loneliness is independent of people and situations. Agreed, sour experiences with people or unfavorable situations might be reasons for loneliness, but it is your responsibility to bail yourself out from it. The positive side of loneliness: Yes, you read it right. Friends, it is when you are lonely, you can get hit by some strong in-depth realizations. To realize them, you need the courage to listen to your inner voice.  The realizations you explore during your loneliness are profound life lessons. It might be hard for you to accept but it is always better to know yourself by yourself than to get a pinch from the outside world.  Loneliness helps you connect to your inner world where you can explore your weaknesses. During this time, you also come across bitter realities about yourself and the outside world. These realizations give you strength to deal with it so that you convert your loneliness into solitude. Realizations: In this fast-moving world, not everyone gets the time to know oneself. If you are one of those lucky ones who gets time to get hit by in-depth self-realizations, be brave enough not to lose the opportunity. It is equally important to work on the areas of concern and move out of loneliness at the earliest. It is because loneliness can be dangerous. The longer the period of loneliness, the deeper you sink in the world of darkness. Act smart, act on it before it acts on you. Never try to run away from it because you can never escape from yourself. Take it head-on where you can explore the reasons for your self-hatred and convert it into self-love. Loneliness is a gateway to explore solitude. Unlock the gate. The key is with you, within you.

According to Collins dictionary, Nature is all the animals, plants, and other things in the world that are not made by people, and all the events and processes that are not caused by people. (I'll be denoting Nature by They, Them, Their... Just cannot confine nature into a box of It.) Let’s meet Nature Nature is super-expressive! Since ages, they are trying hard to express: Pain during ruthless slaughtering, Misery in feeding pollutants, Suffering after a sudden human attack, Yes that’s what nature had to share. Because that’s what we... the most intelligent creatures on this planet... had been offering to them... in our own filthy ways. Cruel We ... who didn’t bother listening to nature shouts in pain inflicted by us. We could not sense those tears; We had no feelings for them in our consciousness. We murdered them for our luxuries; burnt them for money. We went unconscious of their existence, unaware that our existence is superficial without the creator — Nature! You might wonder: Why am I told this? Why am I forced to realize all of it? Well the whole purpose of saying this is: If that’s the ugly past you want to forget, guess what... you got this opportunity! It’s time you can break that equation, and start afresh chemistry with nature. Because nature just forgot ages of brutality by us during this pandemic. Nature revived without long-due revenge! Nature resurrected! Nature is back to the old school smiles! So time to get back to the present and embrace this undeserved opportunity. It’s important we connect with nature now... when they are all smiles! Never was a better time we could feel free from this guilt... the guilt of causing so much harm to them. It’s time we feel happy with them, for them! Just to remind you, nature was never helpless. If they would take long-due revenge, the entire human race could be sacrificed. That’s how much damage we did to them. But guess what... nothing as such happened... And nature we never met... sounds familiar! Call it luck, fate, destiny, anything, but make sure you accept this as a blessing! That human lockdown led to nature's independence! Indirectly adding more generations to the human race. All mediums of pollution are at rest. And the: fresh air, clear skies, whirling trees, gushing winds, chirping birds, they are all back. It’s a huge offering from nature who was hit brutally hard by us. So come on mate… We always complained about limited time. We were unconscious of their cries then. But about now...during this lockdown... Let us not miss this... to listen to nature expressing joy! Well if you are wondering... How do I interact with nature? Let me remind you there’s an unconscious breath transaction always on between you are the greens outside. Oxygen... Carbon dioxide... Oxygen... Carbon dioxide... lifetime transaction... till your last breath! And now let me ask you: The fact that life is lifeless without breath, and breath connects humans to nature, Is this not enough to create an involvement? I feel... Acknowledging this simple fact has enough reasons to develop a beautiful bond with the creator — Nature! If you could feel this mind shift, you could experience life over mental and emotional barriers. Your ego goes for a toss, as you...

1st Dec 2016- the date when God sent a beautiful angel into my life. Every action, each emotion of that day is still crystal clear in my mind. A night before, my wife, Gurdeep did not feel convincing movements inside the womb. Though it was not something unusual, but as her pregnancy had crossed a little over thirty-six weeks, we rushed to the doctor the very morning.  The doctor advised an ultrasound, and the report revealed that the umbilical cord had got entangled around the baby’s neck. There was nothing to worry about, but it was an obvious cesarean case now.  The doctor left up to us to decide the day of operation- today or tomorrow. While Gurdeep wanted to postpone it to tomorrow, I could not wait for an hour, a minute, not even a second. There were a couple of reasons I was pushing for today: I could not handle the swing of emotions- from one point towards dilemmas and apprehensions to another point towards excitement and joy. 2. I had a special inclination towards the date, as I was also born on the 1st, it doesn’t matter a different month. Yes, that’s how deep I was feeling every emotion. So somehow, I convinced her, and finally, we decided the D-day to be today. Time was crawling like a snail that day, and after testing every drop of patience, eventually the anticipated moment arrived when she was taken inside the OT. I was allowed in there, my heart pumping faster than ever. But I knew I had to remain calm to embrace her, shower warmth, divert her mind, deceive her with no glimpse of fear, no sign of nervousness. While I was busy engaging her in conversations, never did I realize when that moment came….and… wow… what… Goosebumps… I just saw the doctor pulling out my child. And it looked like a horrific miracle. Time literally paused, I went numb, gradually making way for the tears of happiness rolling out of my eyes. The only time I was delighted to see my daughter cry was the first time she did.  Nirvana is about 3 years old now, and with each passing day, I love her more. But apart from my growing love, I recently developed a huge respect for her.  Never did I thought a 3-year-old-daughter could teach such profound lessons to a 30-year-old-father. Lesson no 1- Express out whatever you feel—positivity and negativity Nirvana never holds back to express whatever she feels, and this makes her a beautiful soul. Her emotions inside, and its expressions outside, are faithful to each other. When she is happy-she laughs, hugs, kisses, changing the family atmosphere from whatever to happiness. But more than that, what I like about her is she never holds back in venting out every negative emotion. She cries, yells at the top of her voice when she dislikes anything. Till recently, I used to get very agitated, called it her unruly behavior.  But one late night, while I was sitting alone, reviving memories from an observer’s eyes, Nirvana looked a beautiful person-...

 The world is full of negative energies and negative people around us. There are many instances which we see, hear, read and subsequently feel every day. The unnatural deaths due to deadly diseases, sudden accidents, brutal rapes, fatal crimes; moreover the betrayals, hypocrisy, jealousy and many more…you are bound to feel negative. But, this is one way of feeling it. Let us introduce ourselves to another way of looking at things. Despite all of the negativity happening around us, we also have all the reasons to feel content. We have a shelter to shed, food to eat, water to drink, money to spend. On top of that, WE HAVE TIME TO THINK AND TALK ABOUT NEGATIVE/ POSITIVE while most of the people do not have time to breathe freely. Compare yourself, but with the ones who can only dream of living your life. STOP COMPLAINING. You have all the right reasons to feel positive. Start feeling and enjoying happiness NOW. Last but not the least, follow compassion. Helping others and making others happy is a definite way to feel happy and positive.  

When people don't fulfill your expectations, you get hurt. Your undue expectation from people has become one big reason to feel negative.  Therefore, it is imperative to find out why these expectations and from whom are these expectations? Why do you expect and from whom do you expect? In today’s world, you expect from people because you want them to ‘Return the favor back.’ It is an obligation you anticipate from others in exchange for the good things you assume you did for them. It is the reason why you expect a reciprocation. Quickly, you need to understand that if you are counting on every acquaintance to fulfill your expectations, the matter of fact is that you are unreasonable and foolish. Supremely, your expectations could be from the ones whom you love, who are important to you. It might be from the people you care for, whom you respect, the ones with whom you share a strong bond and an active connection. Let's say, people are fulfilling every expectation of yours. But, what we need to comprehend is that everything is perfectly fine until people keep responding as per your expectations. The question is how long you will keep on getting your expectations fulfilled by others? How long will others carry the burden of meeting your expectations? The never-ending expectation process: Be mindful of the fact that the fulfillment of one expectation leads to the urge of the other. Gradually, it leads to an endless flow and to tell the truth, the chain breaks down one day. Yes, your feelings get hurt one day. Sometimes, the volume of that pain soars high to an extent where you tend to shift your perception of people who belong to you. By and by, you even form a negative opinion about those people. You begin to judge those people based on that particular situation in which they did not raise up to your expectation. You start to forget the positives associated with them. In due process, you don’t realize the value of that person in your spirits before this particular incident. And eventually, you lose that person.  Let me bombard a few questions on you... If you are demanding the ideal condition out of a person, are you an ideal person to demand it? How will you feel when you are on the other side of the table? Are you not wrong on your part if you are expecting people to respond according to you? Are you not judging people calling them wrong without knowing about their problems and situations? Maybe, they could have been in their world of problems when you were expecting from them. Or maybe they are the ones dwelling in their own aura and you are not able to perceive it. Sorry for being brutally honest but when you start putting conditions on expectations from others, you are wrong. Put it to yourself and ask yourself how do you feel about those people who impose their expectations on you? And when you are not able to meet their expectations, how do you feel about those judgemental...

First of all, you are not a robot, who will not feel anything. It is quite human to feel things and allow the emotions act accordingly. However, what creates a problem is staying in the same mode for an elongated time. It is very healthy to experience emotions. Nonetheless, what's important is never hold the emotions inside you over a long period. It is equally essential to treat the negative emotions same as the positive emotions. A person who treats a failure same as his/her success doesn’t have to search for happiness outside.  There are few things which will help you to stay away from negativity: -A healthy body holds a healthy brain. This mind helps us to make decisions. Therefore, eat healthy to think healthy. - Meditate for inner peace and happiness. The people who always stay happy and stress-free are the ones who know how to connect with their inner self.   -It is equally important to connect with people. Therefore, love, laugh, enjoy with the people around you.  The World itself is an inspiration.   - Our surrounding plays a significant role in our upbringing. Therefore, it is important to have good friends; few friends doesn't matter.  -Never look for a  reason to be happy. You, yourself are the biggest reason for your happiness. -Treat yourself on small achievements. Always try to be self-motivated. -Make peace with your past. Never over-think about situations that hurt you in the past. -Be compassionate.Make somebody happy. It creates a euphoric sensation within you and makes you a better person. Be kind and generous to people who are less privileged than you.  You know yourself better than others. So, start listening to yourself and stay away from negativity.  

And here she begins... You opted to grow up but I opted to remain a child... I preferred to stay the same but you loved the change. You know why? Because the change was for your good, not mine. I can understand that you were ambitious enough to lash onto every opportunity but how could you when the foundation of it was my failure? You did not realize that your success ladder was not wide enough that we climbed together. But you never looked back to check whether I was behind.  You know... I was all ears in your struggling times. I made you run when you could not stand. I gave you a purpose to fight when you were on the brink of losing. I literally gave you life when you were on the verge of a suicide. Now how could you glow your candle without realizing that it was my wax which is burning? How could you move on leaving me behind? How could you take a stride when either of your shoes was not mine? How did you clap when either of your hands was not mine? I know you are not good at expressing love but then how were you so good at expressing the bitterness? You doubted my reciprocation emphasizing that I changed. You said I don’t love you anymore... You were not completely wrong because you didn’t deserve it anymore. Yes, both of us wanted a bigger house, but it is you who forgot that... The bigger the house, The longer The distance between the rooms. You forgot that the foundation of a healthy relationship is respect, and not always love!!! You cursed my anger and frustration but never realized it was my pain shouting at you.  You said you don’t see a smile; I say you didn’t see my tears... You called me possessive and insecure but I say it was love. You spoke to get heard but about my words...they sought attention, but your ears called them trespassers. I know you found my fault and I found yours... And maybe neither of us was wrong and the situation was guilty. But you know what, you were never ready to be tested in those situations.  No, you were not a liar either but the problem was you were brutally honest. I took pride in calling you ‘my man’ but you turned out to be more of a man with fewer emotions. I am sure you never cheated on me with other women but does that make you loyal? Sorry I deny because you stopped looking at me either. I’m sure you never slept with other women but why did you stop sleeping with me? It was our mutual decision that I conceive. The decision which once looked beautiful seems ugly now. You know why? Because I am the one who has to live with that decision, not you. Yes, I am still facing the wrath to conceive that decision. Abortion was your solution, but it was ‘your solution to your insecurities.’ If you ask me which you never did, it was a heinous crime. Society... we never cared about, but I never realized that...

Before starting any journey, one has to know the destination.  Without a destination, the voyage is incomplete.  Let us assume that we have a set of skills. However, until we don’t know what to do with those skills, they are good for nothing. It’s like living life without a purpose. Goals are essential to move forward in life. Moreover, they help us in harnessing our energy in the right direction. Subsequently, they result in productivity from our efforts and energy.  Goals help us realize our true potential. We come to know about where we stand today and what needs to be done to raise our standards. A goal not only helps us in measuring our progress but also helps in maintaining our focus. A goal oriented person never gets distracted.  Moreover, when we subdivide our goals into small targets, it excitingly motivates us and keeps up our motivational level. Therefore, it is vital to set a goal and work for it.